Coffee-Meringue Acorns, 2013 Christmas (win!) cookie

So after the Christmas wreck that was the Jam Diamonds, completely disheartened, tired, running out of time, I still decided I'd make that last cookie: Coffee-Meringue Acorns. They have everything that would make them awesome:

a) I could make them tiny
b) Coffee flavor - who doesn't like that in New England?
c) plus Chocolate
d) plus pistachios and/or pecans
e) meringues are pretty easy
f) they're Martha's recipe!

Note: If you are allergic to eggs... just wait for another post, because meringues are definitely not for you.

If you haven't ever had a meringue, you should. They are lovely - crispy on the outside, light and soft on the inside. Or let them cook longer and have them crispy all the way through, and when you bite them they just melt. (I think that's the way to go, personally, although not traditional.) If you've never made them, and presuming you like to bake otherwise why would you be here, you should. They really are easy - egg whites and sugar is all it is. You whip to the desired consistency, and voila - meringue. Someday, I will introduce you to the Pavlova or the meringue-topped pie, or maybe some meringue-based icings, but today - the meringue cookie.

What special things you need to make these - a whisk, as a mixer attachment, or attached to a really strong arm, parchment paper, and time.

This recipe makes a lot. Really a lot. Three egg whites and you've got 100 meringues. I don't need 100, so how am I going to divide this? I decide to base my recipe on 1 egg white, and reduce the rest of the ingredients by 2/3rds, and I'll have around 30 or so little bitty bites. I have a large stand mixer, so I crossed my fingers that it would be able to whip up just 1 egg white. Why wouldn't it, you ask? Because the bowl is slightly conical, and the whisk is almost heart-shaped, ending with one loop on the bottom, which is essentially all that will make contact with the bottom of the bowl and the tiny bit of (room temperature - it's important!) white in there, but the worst that can happen? I start over with 2 whites and have twice as much as I was hoping for. I can live with that.

So I read the ingredients and..."1 1/2 teaspoons Trablit coffee extract (available at culinarydistrict.com) or 1 tablespoon pure vanilla extract". Great - some fancy extract I'd have to order? So what do I do... I remember seeing coffee extract at the store - yay!- because I'm sure the alternative would be ridiculously priced, and not in my kitchen within the day. In fact... hold on.... it's 3oz for about $14 (I just looked it up). It's about the same as the McCormick actually, however, I don't need to go to Los Angeles to get the McCormick. I think I know which I should get. And yes, I realize that you are saying "but this says you can also use vanilla extract". Yeah but that's not the point considering what drew me to the recipe was the title promising "Coffee-meringue". By the way, I should say that one of the beautiful things about meringues - flavor them however you want. This says coffee or vanilla, but you could use peppermint, spearmint, coconut, lemon, maple.. anything. And if you're feeling fun, some food coloring is great too. I wouldn't use food coloring with this since using the coffee extract turns the meringue a very light tan color, all on its own. Vanilla extract will also take away from the stark whiteness, but if you like, you can buy clear vanilla extract to keep the very white color (and not just for egg whites - can use it for cake batters, icings, etc.; Wilton sells it and you can get it at Michaels).

Now here's a little something about me that you may or may not know - if there is a way to screw up a recipe - I will find it and do it. I consider this to be a service to all potential recipe users, because then when I totally f*** something up (yes, I get that angry that the f-bombs may fly if small children are not around), I can tell you what went wrong and how I fixed it, or alternatively, didn't. I made it through labs in college that way: students there until 2am to get an experiment right? Suckers! I just did it, and when it was wrong, I wrote a report about what went wrong and why. My professors loved it and so did I because I was tired and was not going to stay at that hideous place for a single nanosecond more than was necessary. And now, I employ that same logical thinking and troubleshooting to my cooking, to help you all. You're welcome!

If you haven't guessed, that was a segue to the part where I never noticed it said I was going to cook everything in a double boiler before whipping. What a friggin' pain. It also does not make me happy to add an extra pan to the equation. I map out my pan and utensil use carefully so that I only use the very least number of items possible... but....brainstorm! The eggs whites are already in my stand mixer bowl, it's stainless steel... voila: saucepan with water simmering, mixer bowl is now the top of the double-boiler. AND I will stir while simmering with the mixer's whisk, for no extra utensil. Genius! Not totally screwed up, but close call.

Once your whites are all whipped and fluffy and shiny and pretty, it's pastry bag time. Again, I did all the cake decorating class crap and I have gel dyes, a thousand different tips, couplings, plastic pastry bags, know how to make a pastry bag out of parchment, but you know what I'm using? A ziploc bag. I do not want to get out a single extra item (remember it's Christmas Eve and I've been making cookies for 2 days). Put the stuff in a ziploc bag and cut about 1/2" off a bottom corner of the bag. Ta-da! Pastry bag! The tip Martha was calling for is just a smooth round tip, so the bag will do. And it does - popping out little meringues just like in the picture, like little "kiss" shapes. Into the oven and now... we wait.

And wait.

And wait. Meringues take time. Crisp meringues sit in the oven at a low temp, for quite a while. It's just how it is. And Martha says this should take about an hour, to crisp on the outside and pulls off the parchment easily. Only she lied. My meringues stayed in the oven for a little over 2 hours before being able to lift off the parchment and have the nice crisp on the outside. My cookie sheets are insulated so things don't crisp on the bottom how I would like (I will never buy another one of those sheets and I have 3...ugh). I would even like them to be kind of dry and crisp all the way through, but that can take a very very very long time. Typically, they are a little moist on the inside.

They cool really quickly and the next part is beyond easy - melt some chocolate, chop some nuts (and toast them if you like), and dip away. I used pecans and did toast them, which takes all of 10 minutes. I put my dipped meringues on some waxed paper to set, and prayed desperately that I had the willpower not to eat them all before they even made it to the storage container.

About storing - Martha says that "Meringues can be made 5 days ahead and stored in a cool, dry place at room temperature." I baked these on Christmas Eve, dipped them Christmas morning, put them in an airtight container for travel, and they were fine Christmas afternoon. After that, they were, to borrow a chemistry term (because I can't help that) rather hygroscopic; they pick up moisture from the air and get sticky and start imploding a bit. It doesn't matter really - the flavor is so nice... very subtle coffee with the chocolate and nuts - very yum.

There's tons of meringue recipes and really, try one. If it seems intimidating to try whipping egg white and getting that right, it's not! Just try it. Don't have some kind of way to decoratively extrude on a cookie sheet - so what, use a spoon. You can make them big, they'll just need to cook longer. As I mentioned at the beginning, someday we'll discuss a Pavlova which is a giant, divine meringue pillow. And EASY!

So I can add Martha's picture of these little delights, because mine really looked very much like this. I fully recommend trying it.



Coming soon - what happens when professional chefs go commercial.

Cream-cheese Jam Ice Diamonds... 2013 Christmas cookie (fiasco) #1

Let me start by saying that for as long as I can remember, I have unabashedly worshiped Martha. Yes, Martha Stewart, the Queen of All Things. I have subscribed to her magazine, watched her show, purchased her products, absorbed Martha in every way. I want to be Martha. There, I've said it, and I don't care who knows it!!

The most glorious magazines every year are the Thanksgiving and Christmas issues. There are also separate cookie issues (sometimes), and those are keepers. As always, this year, they did not disappoint, and given the chance to do some Christmas desserts, naturally this is where I went.

I wanted to make some tiny little cookies - just little bites, so people can belly up to the bar and try a bunch of different things without feeling like you're about to explode. I was already getting a platter of 3 dozen cookies from one of the local moms who has a home business making adorable cookies and cakes, so there were about 5 different selections of cookies and truffles there. I decided to add on 3 more - my go-to every year chocolate espresso snow caps [OH! I just had this idea about a different post with favorite recipes, so I'll tell you all about these later!], then these Cream-Cheese Jam Ice Diamonds,and then another meringue cookie that I'll do a separate post about. I chose the jam diamonds because I could make them small, and I've made Linzer cookies before, which I love, so I figured this should be pretty easy.

The original recipe yields 80 cookies. Yeah, I'm not making 80 cookies; I'll halve the recipe. And in the interest of time, I make the dough, and put it in the fridge to make the cookies the next day (Christmas Eve). Yay for me! Time management that I normally never use when preparing for any holiday or other event, and I'm doing it!

Fast forward to Christmas Eve, and I'm looking at this and thinking "sandwich cookie - make cookies, sandwich jam in-between". But no - this is Martha. Martha does nothing easily; it's part of the fun of doing Martha-things - a challenge! So I realize that this recipe goes through a series of dough rolling and chilling and freezing and filling and cutting and ... you get the idea. Ugh. Ok, whatever, I can do it.

First, make dough,divide in half, wrap and chill up to two days. Check. Second, roll out each half into rectangles and freeze 30 min. Check. Third, preheat oven, and take out your frozen rectangles, slather your jam on one, slap the other on top. Ok. Let it warm up enough to be firm, but able to cut. Yeah, here's where we have a problem. Now when I go to cut it, the dough slabs are sliding all over the place thanks to the jam slick between the two pieces, but I persist and come out with about 10 perfect diamonds, 20 vaguely symmetrical shapes, and some weird stuff that I like to call the "cook's pieces" because I do not want anyone respectable to see these, but I'm also not going to waste any food so I'll cook them. Oh but wait! I have to freeze them again until firm for 10 minutes. Check. Transfer them to a parchment-lined baking sheet and space 1" apart. Check. Freeze until firm 10 more minutes - wait, what? Seriously? Screw it - if they've gone from firm to not firm by simply removing them from the freezer and putting them on a baking sheet, then screw it. I'm putting them in the damn oven which has been on and ready to cook these stupid cookies for like half an hour now.

Baking goes fine, cookies are done and yummy, they just look horrifying, but nothing that displaying them in a pile, putting the prettiest ones on top, and sprinkling generously (read: coating until unrecognizable) with confectioner's sugar can't help.

Here's what they're supposed to look like:

Yeah, but they didn't. Oh well. Next time I would just use a Linzer cookie recipe. I have one from Rosie's Bakery, but here's one from Ina Garten who happens to be an FoM (long-time Friend of Martha). For the kind of cookie they are they are just way too time-consuming for me.

Next up: 2013 Christmas cookie (winner!) #2

Italian Lemon Cream Cheese Cake (a.k.a. Olive Garden copy-cat)

Italian Lemon Cream Cheese Cake recipe


I have been to Olive Garden approximately... once. I did not have dessert, so that was not my motive in making this cake. My actual motive(s):


1. I originally saw a recipe for an Italian Lemon Cream Cheese Cake and I thought it was pretty.
2. I love Lemon desserts
3. I love cheesecake
4. I was providing a dessert for Christmas dinner at my sister's house (the hostess with the most-est)

I quickly came to find that this was indeed NOT a creamy cheesecake, but a cream-cheese[space bar] cake. Eh, who cares? It's a lemon dessert so that's good enough for me. I started searching for similar recipes to see how this compared to different ones, and I found the Olive Garden version, and I just chose it because it seemed simpler and I needed to be efficient with my cooking time.

This was easy enough - starting with a box mix. I don't mind making my own cake, but this wasn't the only thing I was making, and I always underestimate how long things are going to take, so I decided this was the way to go.

Then I made the lemon cream cheese filling - easy beans. Put it in the fridge to save for later.

The recipe also calls for a crumb topping. Okay. But wait... it's made with flour and butter and...raw? I thought about it for a while, and all I could imagine in my mind was the taste of raw flour. I decide to nix that. It looks tasty, but I read a bunch of reviews, and no one seemed to think that was very good, so I'm going to trust my instincts and skip it.

I put the cake in the fridge after cooling, and decided I'd take care of this all the next day (Christmas Eve), since this was two days before I needed it.

Now let me say that even though I've done the multiple "levels" of the Wilton cake decorating course, and have done all kinds of piping and flower making, BUT I am the WORST at simply frosting a cake. I mean truly horrible, like a 3 year old iced the cake. But this one came out awesome! It was the best I ever did. Now, that's not to say it was beautiful, but compared to my standard product? I actually heard a choir of angels, I swear. And it looked like the picture - whooo! Finished and back in fridge, done!

The moment of truth - taste time! Everyone thought the cake itself was wonderful (yeah, thanks it was from a box). The rest of it was good, but definitely not lemony enough. Just really creamy with the faintest hint of lemon. If I were to make it again, I would add some lemon zest, or more lemon flavor into the cake itself as well - maybe some juice or just a little extract. If I'm going to have a dessert that's billed as lemon, I want lemon dammit! This just wasn't enough for me.

Was it good? Yes - creamy, not heavy, and Betty Crocker makes a fine white cake. Will I make this again? Nah. It's just not a recipe worthy of saving; I'm sure there's better out there. For all the work, it's just average. If this is what the cake at Olive Garden tastes like, don't waste your cash.

Onto the next!

I'm baaaaaaaaaaaaaack

Disclaimer - I have no clue what this is going to look like. I haven't been here in quite a while, and Blogger has changed so this could really be weird display-wise. Advance apologies. So, I thought I'd come back to my 5 followers, and start some posting again. Mostly because I have this constant running script in my head and talk to myself and figured "what a waste! All my fantastic ramblings are not going on paper!" Yes, I am a prolific and wealthy author in my own mind. Anyway, I like to cook, and bake, and spend a lot of time in the kitchen, and lately on Facebook there are a lot of recipes that are getting posted from all over the place. I've been trying them and commenting, and I feel it is my duty to let people know if it was any good or not. I did start this blog with some posts about cooking and such, so it's kind of going back to my original idea. Maybe I'll come up with a rating system, and I promise that I'll post a link of the recipe itself. And I'll do each as a separate post. So let's go back to where I left off....

C'est la vie...

Finally back...
It's been a while. Well, it's always a while because I wait so long to make an entry, so having been a while is self-explanatory.


As you all may know, I have ceased to be employed anywhere outside of my home. Hmph. I could go way into that but let's not, we just don't have time. In any case, I get to think a lot so I thought I might as well think here. So let's see what have I done lately... saw TAPS Jay & Grant with fellow GhostHunter fan extraordinaire Pat. It was aawwweeesome!!! Then I got to see my FAVORITE pyschic-medium Chip Coffey...it was aaaaaawweeeesome!!! Bruce took me to that, supporting my weird hobbies. Oh yeah, that's another new thing...I used to put sort of pseudonyms for my family and whoever else I may mention, to protect the innocent, but no more! Naw...too lazy. Your name is just gonna show up here if I am going to talk about you, so speak now or forever hold your peace....ok done! I didn't hear any objections so good-o. Elayne and I went to see Maureen Hancock. Took the kids to see the Kajillion Bubbles show and The Nutcracker, and on The Polar Express. Fun!
But staying home isn't fun. I have no idea how stay-at-home moms do it. I am stunned by that. I still have to pay for daycare because it's impossible to job hunt or take screening or interview calls with the kids in the house. It's lonely. It's downright depressing, frankly. I talk to myself a LOT; like there's a second person in the room. Or to the dogs like they're human and will answer me. I spend a lot of time on the computer constantly refreshing email and Facebook to see if anyone sends me a message or comments on a post, or has a post I can comment on, or if my phone is lighting up because I got a text. I don't make too many calls to talk to anyone because what if someone calls me about a job, I can't be on the phone. I frequently forget the important things I should be doing. I've missed 3 appointments with my therapist in the last 2 months. I haven't ever done that in almost 9 years. Like right now I just remembered some phone calls I need to make...hang on. Ok - 2 things down.
Anyway, I had big plans for what I'd do while I was home. The first week I dived into cooking. I made so much food that the last large meal that week I did not even realize until I was done, that I would almost not fit the leftovers back in the fridge. I honestly didn't know what I'd do until I moved and repackaged and moved food over and over like a tetris game until I shut the doors like a bursting closet and everything might fall out if you're not prepared when you open it again.
I promised myself I was going to totally dive into super healthy eating and working out during the day because I really never had time before and could only work out sporadically. Yeahhhh...nope. Half the time I don't eat a scrap all day long. If I do, I'll eat the worst, most convenient stuff in the house. Work out? What for? Who's going to see me now? I don't really get dressed. Kinda crappy clothes most of the time. Sometimes even all day and to bed; who knows about it? I'll change in the morning. What's the point of pajamas when you wear sweats and stuff all day.
Oh, my house was going to be spotless too. Nope. That didn't happen either. I did find at first that I was just as busy not working as when I was. There were times that I'd run errands and not be home all day long. Well that was easy - Connor's birthday, Halloween, trip to Kentucky, Thanksgiving, Christmas, the girls' birthdays. Now there's nothing really that that's over. And cleaning the house is also impossible and pointless. I can clear a two-foot-square space and 5 minutes later someone will say "oh hey here's some room! I'll put some random stuff there!" I don't invite people over - it's such a disaster and I really don't want visitors to see that. Sigh.
So every day something new, a new list, a new list that doesn't get followed through. It's overwhelming honestly. Most days I just spontaneously cry. I do try very hard to stay busy and I think I am, but thinking is half my problem. Thoughts and thoughts and thoughts, end up being a bunch of useless noise.
I think this whole unemployment thing is a process like grief in a sense. For me, it's a death of who I've been since...geesh...as long as I can remember - I've always worked someway somehow since I was 15 and half and could work at the local park's summer program. First denial - I can't believe this happened. Why? How? No problem - I'll have a job to start 2 days after my last day, no doubt. uh unh. Then anger - how could someone do this to me? WTF? Bargaining - what if I had tried harder? What if I had pushed harder? I knew the inevitable but maybe I could have stopped it. Then depression - I already have clinical depression so this ain't helping. How did I fail like this? I failed. I failed my family. I look at my kids' sweetly sleeping faces and think "I'm sorry." I look at Bruce and think "I'm sorry - I didn't mean to create so much pressure for you." And now hitting the unemployment line...oh that's just joyous. Now I REALLY worry. Incessantly. I don't sleep. I have frequent anxiety attacks. Sometimes I just can't breathe. And I put on a happy face...the kids can't know this. They can't know I worry. They can't think for a minute about this. They hear the most frightening things on the news: people, children with no homes, no food, no heat. It's my job that they don't worry about that for one nanosecond. So I reserve panic for bedtime and when I'm alone during the day.
So crap, why am I writing this pity party? It's easy. It's the internet. You can write all you want and send it into the ether and maybe no one will read it, right? How safe is that for pouring your guts out? Clicking the "publish" button is the scariest part because then you truly have put it out there. All the typing before that is all in theory that you might and then you have to decide if you actually will. If someone does read this, I certainly don't want to hear a single "it'll get better. You're not the only one. So many people have it worse." Well, duh. But this is me and my family, so that's it. Maybe someone will read this and hear themselves in it and feel better that they're not alone. And maybe someone will just say "oh shut up you friggin' whiner". I don't care. Right now all I can do is decide whether or not to click that "publish". ........click.

ooooo-eeeeeee-ooooo part 2

so I've discovered I have two more followers: Miguel and Bruce - thanks Miguel! Bruce kind of had no choice. Hey - and Marilyn! Welcome to this most exclusive club!

...and welcome back to my anomalies...

The first incident where we realized something wasn't normal was the "lost glasses". My Honey lost his glasses. Every night, since he didn't need his old prescription glasses to read, he'd pick up his book, take his glasses off, and put them on the arm of the couch. One night, he picked up his book, put his glasses down as usual, and when he was done reading and going to bed, went to pick them back up, they were gone. We could not find them to save our lives. No where, no how. Now those of you who have ever visited me, mostly the 'rentals these days, know that my house is hardly organized or clutter-free on any given day. I'm busy doing stuff like, hey, typing all this stuff. But we pulled things apart, and looked EVERYWHERE. No stone left unturned. The night his glasses went missing, the entire population consisted of: PiC (Partner in Crime, aka Significant Other or SO or My Honey or MH), me, Doo-boy sleeping on the couch next to me, and two sleeping dogs. These things have disappeared into some black hole. Then about 3 months later, we are in the living room, PiC in his spot with his new glasses ON (he says they're "progressive lenses" but I don't care they're bifocals) which he doesn't need to take off to read, I'm in my spot crocheting, baby and dogs sleeping. And what to my wondering eyes should appear but Oh My God, the glasses, right were he left them, on the arm of the couch. Needless to say we both just stared for a solid 20 seconds (sounds like nothing but just time 20 seconds to yourself and see how long that is when you're just staring at something), and then laughed. One of those uncomfortable, heh heh?, kind of laughs. And then just let it go as something weird, figuring the kids fooled us somehow.

A few months after that, my birthday, I sat in my big armchair and opened a few little gifts from my parents and the kids. My mom gave me some stuff in a little pink bag, and I set it on miniature set of movie theatre doll seats next to the chair I was in. The kids were playing in the middle of the room, and I went to stand up and pick up the bag and it wasn't there. Huh? I looked everywhere in and around this chair, and the all over the rest of the house. I did this for weeks and gave up. And then one day about 2 months later, I went to clean that area around the chair, and there, sitting right where I left it, the same way I left it, was that bag. With all its contents and tissue paper, etc. I just stood there looking at it, showed it to PiC/SO/MH and we just laughed. Maybe it was the kids? Don't know. But read on....

Puddin' was making Xmas presents (and heck she still is) and so we had (have) yards and yards of fleece to cut to length and width, and to do that I used a Sharpie, to mark where I needed to make the cuts. (God I hope I'm not supposed to use some fake name because I don't have rights to say Sharpie - shit I did it again! It's a Charpie, ok?!) In the kitchen there's me, Doodley-bug and Puddin', and I measure the next piece, go to make my mark and....PiC comes upstairs and standing in basement doorway, says something to me, I look up at him, look back down, and in all of 1 second, marker/Charpie (ha! not using the brand-name) is gone. Literally just gone from on top of the piece of fabric. I was a foot away, and the girls were not in reach, and PiC was easily 10 feet away. The girls looked under the table, and I was spreading my hands all over the fabric trying to feel the marker, surely underneath, unfolding the layers, absolutely everything to find it. PiC says "what are you doing?" I said "looking for my marker I left right here!" and I pointed to the spot...and there it was, on top of the fabric, in the exact position left it...as if it never moved. Puddin' actually pointed and gasped "Oh my God!". Doodle and I just stood there and stared. PiC walked over, and looked at me, and I started laughing. What the???? And there's more...

As I was saying, it's Christmas, and I'm in the room with the tree, about 2 feet away from it, facing sort of kitty-corner; I can see it pretty well in my peripheral vision. Kids are no where near and PiC sitting at kitchen table about 6 feet away from me, and I can see him the whole time. If someone or even the dog wanted to walk between me and the tree, they'd either have to ask me to move, brush up against me to get by, or walk into the tree. And then I see it: the bottom branch spring up, like a recoil from being pushed down. The ornament that was hanging there had a bell on it and started ringing. The dogs are in the other room and are too big to go past there without being seen. The cats "live" upstairs and never come down. If one of them had, a barking dog or two would have chased them. I stood there again and just looked. I asked PiC, "did you see that?". Response: "yep". And watched as the branch continued to stop bouncing. This was the first sort of visual interaction we had seen. I didn't laugh this time, but it sure made us think. And sure, there's still more...

PiC sitting at one end of the kitchen table, I'm at the other end. There's a small sliver of wood about 3-4" long, on the floor next to him, probably carried over by the dogs, from us bringing in firewood and kindling. He leans over and picks it up, puts in on the table in front of him to toss out when he gets up. And while he's sitting there, right while he's sitting there, this piece of wood moves, right while he's looking, from his left over to his right. He saw it. He saw it up and move, and couldn't stop talking about it. Couldn't believe what he saw. And I just giggled. I mean, really, what is going on?! And once again, more....

Only PiC and I are in the house (which doesn't happen very often, really not). I'm in the kitchen, again, standing at the kitchen table. I'm going through my purse, and in the process take my huge set of keys, mostly huge not due to keys but keychains, and I put in on the corner of the table right at my right hand, not 3 inches away. This time he's about 12' away at the living room, and I say I'll go get the kids. I turn to pick up my keys... not there... Now I'm mad. What the hell happened to my keys?! He doesn't move. I turn around and say to him "where the heck are my keys?! I left them right he..." When I turn and point back at the corner of the table, there they are. Right where I left them. I never moved from the spot I was in, and neither did he.

Next witness, the X. Puddin' was pretty sick with a stomach virus. Really, terribly sick, poor thing. He took a half-day from work, and it was really too late for me to head in to work, so he hung around with me, taking care of Pud', and playing on the computer. Puddin' was feeling a bit better in the afternoon so X said he'd take her home to his place and stay home with her the next day. All of a sudden he said "hey- you should have a little baggie with some black ear buds" and I said yeah right here on the counter "I took them out and put the on the edge, and he went in the living room to get the Puddin' and we both got distracted packing up her medecine and what not. So as he was opening the basement door, he said "oh, those ear buds"... I said "oh yeah" and went to the counter to get them. Nope, not there. I turned and said "are you sure you didn't grab them?" reply: "nope, no way". Once again, turning back "I swear they were right here..." and there they were in the exact spot I left them. I said "did you see that?" His reply "yep". I said "Was that weird or what? This keeps happening." He just stood there and said "I dunno...no clue..." shaking his head. So now I can't be nuts, right? People are seeing this and in the case of my daughter and my X, they had never heard me talk about it.

I think there were a couple of other incidents but at this point I don't remember because they had been frequent enough that they would really make me laugh. Like seriously laugh - it was just funny. Not once was I afraid of whatever this was playing games with us.

After winter was over these things seemed to subside. As if whatever this was had had enough of being indoors and thought they'd get out now and again. Except for something I've kind of always seen but never paid any attention to, but now, hmmm ... maybe I should...

Mostly every night I'm sitting on our loveseat, crocheting, watching TV with PiC, peripheral view right through the hall, to the now begone library of my dreams, to coverted playroom - site of the Christmas tree incident. I should say that all these things mischievous things seem to happen downstairs, never up. Upstairs my only experience was the comforting presence when the kids were infants. For a very very long time, ever since that was MY seat, I've seen out of the corner of my eye a shadow about 5' high dash across the doorway. It's obvious enough to make me turn my head and look. I never have ever thought anything of it. Now I wonder. Lately what happends a LOT is this very obvious "something" peeking around the corner of the wall at the staircase, around 2 stair steps or so up, and then when I look, boom - sneaks back. For a long time I though it was one of the girls, only to get up and find that they're sleeping very soundly in their beds, with no way to get up the stairs that fast, and definitely not without being heard. Lately, it has sort of had a goldish tint, and I'm positive it's one of the girls sneaking down, except I hear nothing. One of the stairs has a very distinctive creak, and whenever they do sneak down, as quiet as they try to be, I hear them every time. This is not away in my peripheral vision, it's diagonal to my line of sight and it's not less than 4-5' away. A couple of times I've mentioned out loud that I see movement in that direction and the doorway across the hall. One time I got a look like "Boy...ok that's weird..." but no other reaction really. I don't do the stereotypical girl thing with the dreamy eyed "what are you thinking?" so I just let it go, and don't really want to know what dearie is thinking. He's probably just thinking about Ice Road Truckers, frankly. But again - it doesn't scare me.

I should say I am NOT inviting this thing to scare me, I'm not talking to it, not engaging it, not trying to do EVPs or night time ghost hunts. I have a feeling that this thing is so sneaky that if you tried to get evidence of it on purpose, it wouldn't play your game. I am curious sometimes to do the flashlight trick made popular by our own local TAPS, but I'm not that confident. I'd rather have my favorite medium Chip Coffey come over and see what he finds, and then I'd like to be his best friend, not just because I think he's cool, but also because I haven't had a good Gay friend in my life in a long time, and sometimes they're better to have then girlfriends, but that's a different post entirely. But Chip doesn't have time for me. I will make my attempt to endear him when I meet him and do a tour of a haunted hotel in October. Although I am his friend on FB.

So that's my tale of the strange and unusual, my own private Twilight Zone without the surprise twist ending. Just the Zone. I know a lot of people don't believe these things, but I always have. I do find what's going on here unexplainable. And unless someone can debunk it. I did try, and couldn't. I mentioned how far away people were to the actual location of events because some have hypothesized that it's obviously someone doing this. I say "but how" no one is physically near these things enough to touch the objects, never mind use them. Things seen out of the corner of your eye? That can be a vision phenomenon I suppose. There's quite a good explanation of that here:
http://www.assap.org/newsite/articles/Corner%20eye%20phenomena.html
So I buy that, except I've been seeing the EXACT SAME THING for so long.

Make what you want of it all and I'd love to hear anyone's explanation of these things. In the meantime, I'll wait and see what happens.

Until next time, please find a recording of Tubular Bells, which is the theme song of the Exorcist, and play that while slowly closing this window for extra spooky factor....

P.S. I apologize for any typos or annoying grammatical errors because I am tired of proofreading this, and yes I realize this just killed the spooky factor. I apologize for that too.

ooooo-eeeee-ooooo

Hello hello and welcome faithful fans, all two of you! Big shout out to Dave and Elayne! My two fans - you rock!

ok - if you make the spooky sound that is described in the title (if you've seen iCarly Season 1 Halloween espisode, you know what I'm talking about - sort of G - E flat - C ish... hey, I have kids, it's my only frame of reference) you will now be entering the world of the paranormal. That's right, you heard me: PARANORMAL. Why? Because that's what's going on in my humble abode. I do believe there is something here besides me and the fam, and so do they.

Now anyone who knows me well, knows that I do believe in the spirit world. There are things that have happened to me that I've talked to a few people about, not many, because then people just think you're nutso (which I am, but that's beside the point). I am convinced, however, that there's something following me around. And whether it's something or some things, and whether it's following or just individual occurrences that are independent of each other, I don't know. But I know it's there.

Let me give you a little history.

I first noticed "something" at my parents' , my childhood home, in my late teens/early twenties. Specifically, it was the distinct feeling that someone just sat on my bed. It wasn't scary, but sort of comforting, and frankly it was just a sensation that I didn't even really give any credence to, a sort it thing that happens when you're falling asleep and half-dreaming. And it would happen at any time of the day - if I was going to bed at night, or taking a nap in the afternoon. When my sister moved out, and my bed was moved to where hers was, it stopped. And then over time I'd notice things that I never told anyone, because not everyone buys into this stuff, and I figured everyone would think I'm nuts, which really isn't that out of the realm of possibility. Here's where things start to get freaky, and I feel really dubious about even putting this here (Chip Coffey deliver me). When my Ex and I were dating, I'd stay at his apartment frequently, even if he was away, because of a short-lived hobby of cake decorating. In a nutshell, for each week's class I needed to bake a cake, make tons of frosting and do some tedious decorating to bring back for critique, and I needed to not do this at my own (parents') house for various reasons, so to the apartment I went. More than once I was there without him there, and just stayed overnight because I'd be late and it was halfway to work. So on two occassions I saw something that made me jump and I wasn't frightened but I sure ended up rubbing my eyes and wondering if I saw what I thought I saw, even though I can clearly see this in my memory even today. Both times, when I was completely alone, Ex was out of town, once when I was changing, once when I was taking a (very rare) bath, I saw the exact same thing in my peripheral vision: an 8-ish year old, dark-haired boy peek around the corner of the door at me and then duck his head back. It only happened twice and I've never seen him again (at least I think not) but it was enough to make me suck in my breath and hold it for a second. Once of those things you know you saw, and then it's gone. And I may even delete this paragraph later because it's weirding me out that I even wrote it.

So the next bit of oddities when the kids are born. Always, whenever laying in my bed, usually napping with a wee infant, I'd feel someone sit down on the end of the bed. Always, there was no one there. And again I don't think much of it. Until Doo-boy was born. He was the one I insisted upon having an epidural for. I wanted one for the others, only they decided they weren't going to wait for me to get one. So with the last baby boy, I demanded and I got it. Ah blissful numbness...and itchiness. I don't know how people go to sleep with one, I was itchy up to my nose where curiously it stopped, but no matter, fabulous. First time I am in labor with a baby and comfortable. And......fabulosity over...the battery in the pump dies....fabulosity over.... battery gets replaced...dead again...now I have a feeling like a knife in the left side of my stomach and I'm ready to die and no one has a clue as to why these batteries are dying in the blink of an eye. Third battery in but I'm ready to go, and I decide I'm going to push ridiculously hard to get this kid out, dammit, because this hurts! Turns out Connor's got an umbilical cord wrapped around his neck two times and comes out a very not-lovely shade of bluish-grey. Thankfully two (there was a nurse in "training" there) wonderful nurses rubbed him with a towel like a newborn puppy, oxygenated him, and now here's a beauteous boy asleep on the couch next to me with chocolate on his face and sweaty moppy hair. After thatin the hospital - two more things, both when I was completely alone. I was in the bathroom, no one in the room but Doo-boy, and no sooner did I shut the bathroom door, then I heard my name in a loud whisper as if someone was on the other side asking if I was in there. I opened the door immediately and no one was there. Only Doo-boy in his bassinet slumbering sweetly. Okaaayyyyy. The next time, I heard Connor's name, same loud whisper, very clearly about 11pm. I was wide-awake, my room door was closed, curtain around door wide open so I have a clear view of the door, all lights on, and not a soul came in. I joked around later saying my room was haunted, but besides "thinking" I heard my name, there was the coincidence of the epidural pump not working and the drug wearing off so that I could have this baby sooner that I care to think about, if it had taken too long. But then I get home...and the last thing that I can say is...same scenario as before, laying in bed trying to nap a little with the baby, and I feel an entire hand on my head. I mean a whole hand on the side toward the back of my head, but not scary, kind of comforting and loving. I don't know what that was but even now, I remember exactly what that felt like. I was quite awake, only laying there with my eyes closed. And I sure didn't open them, but there was no one else in the house.

So fast forward, to now. Here we go again. Only this time I'm NOT the only crazy one. No no no, this time a few other people have witnessed the strange and unusual in my house. Something or someone is playing games here and I'm not the only one who has witnessed this. Stay tuned....